I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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