How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We left the knife in your bed.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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