My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it glows. i had to have it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
