Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
