a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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