At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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