sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
