Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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