I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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