apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
