I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
