physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
