She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
