The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
