so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
