A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
