In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
