Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
