Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
