Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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