Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I smell like Dick and happiness
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
