my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
