So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
