would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
