worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just found puke in my bra..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
