Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
