i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
