You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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