Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
