Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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