We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
