dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
