Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
