What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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