Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
