then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
