I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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