I am puke
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
