You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
