Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
