Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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