Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
