Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
