I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
