I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
