Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
