What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Girls should come with a carfax report
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
