so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
