Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
