I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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